*all the stories herein, are completely fictional, including the characters and events. Similarities between the stories and reality are merely a coincidence*
Perhaps I should introduce myself. My name, is Soledad. My English-only friends call me Sol. My mother named me Soledad after my grandmother. These, are my stories.
So I was on Facebook, and happened to mention on Facebook that it was really nice to be ogled by a couple of really sexy guys. Trader Joe, who’s a friend on Facebook, commented that I should feel pretty all the time, because I am.
Now, what you do need to realize, is that I was feeling so lonely. Divorce is so hard on a woman. I got so comfortable in being a wife and mother, and for me, it felt like it was all taken away from me.
So it was nice to have the attention of a guy that later confessed to me that he followed my social media/art stuff.
I sent him a message on Facebook saying thanks but it’s mostly due to my divorce, why I don’t always feel that way. He asked me out right away. I was excited. I couldn’t believe it. Was it really that easy? What is that easy to start dating again? I couldn’t believe it. A guy actually liked me.
I felt so neglected and alone for so many years that I guess it felt nice to think that maybe I could unleash that part of me again. The X and I had not been sexually active in so long, and truth be told sex was such an incompatible aspect to our marriage. So after I had children, I just thought that perhaps that part of my life was over; I focused on being a mother and an artist, and channeled my energies into other things.
For our first date, Trader Joe took me to a very loud and crowded restaurant. I quickly informed him that I really detest loud places (I am quite the introvert), so instead we went out for a walk around Union Square.
He is a very sweet person: a dark skinned Filipino man in his early forties, who had graduated from a very prestigious art school in Manhattan and worked in management at a health food store. He loved to cook and loved music, and so we had a few things in common.
I was very shy. Trader Joe was the first man I had ever dated in 15 years. I had no idea what to do with myself. I had so much sexual energy from the years of being sexually ignored and neglected that I almost did not know how to control it.
We walked. We talked. I told stories that I hadn’t told in so long. I talked about ME for once. He listened. He smiled. He looked at me with the look that a man gives when he is physically attracted to a woman. That day, in Washington Square Park I realized that I can do this. I can move on. I can live again, and breathe again and find someone attractive again, and find someone worth my time. Yes, I really can. Life goes on. I realized this that night, sitting in the park, watching him, talking to him, and being my own person.
But I was still so shy. I barely got to that one kiss at the end. I don’t know what it is, but perhaps it’s that I really do prefer a guy to make the first move. As bold a woman as I can be, that is just how shy I am at first. I texted him the next day and told him, “listen I really think you’re very handsome but I was so shy!”
Thankfully he understood. I almost feel badly for Trader Joe. I was such a hot mess, having still been feeling things for my ex, having been so confused and not knowing what I wanted. My brain told me I wanted to fall in love with him right away to ease the pain of having been dumped by what I thought was my one true love.
We went out a second time and that time I went to his place, where we talked for a long while, just about life, and children, and astrology. We talked about philosophy, and his art, and mine. I read him poetry. We kissed. We kissed more. I felt….like pieces of my sexuality were coming out, coming free, and becoming a part of me again. I was still so used to “married sex” that I called it making love almost always.
He knew how to satisfy me and I had a lot of fun releasing this part of me that had been locked away for so long. That is the gift that Trader Joe gave me: the ability to know what I wanted from a man. I felt sexy in a way that I hadn’t in years. I bought new underwear-beautiful sexy underwear, not Hanes her way underwear. I bought dresses and wore perfume again, and not because I was in love, but because I felt like I wanted to celebrate my sexuality. I was celebrating a part of me that was ignored, neglected and locked away, and not by my ex husband; it was my own doing. I had allowed the perceptions of the human body that my parents passed to me, to permeate my adulthood, to permeate my life as a woman and a wife, and it cost me my marriage.
We kept seeing each other for a few months, mostly being he and I at his beautiful apartment, eating glorious food and having the best sex I had at that point, the best sex I had in several years.
Eventually, Trader Joe and I ceased communication. It was a fun time, and he was a sweetheart. But here’s the thing: I guess……I didn’t really know what I wanted. The truth is, I was all over the place-with the divorce floating around in my brain and all that. I was sort of still processing it all. And he and I eventually lost contact, which was fine with me. He seemed to be used to dating, while I felt like I needed some sort of rule book or something on what gets done and what doesn’t. I’m pretty sure books like this have been written but these are the sort of things that a woman usually wants to just know. You know?
At any rate, this was onward and upwards for me. On to the next adventure, I say!
This cute bracelet is available in my shop. CLICK HERE to purchase!