Okcupid has a feature, where you can rate a person. Based on the rating, you tell the little online robot that you like the person. Such was the case here.
I saw Psycho’s profile, and he had liked me. I didn’t think he was much to look at, and was truly too old for me (he was 50) but alright I said. He’s okay and seems artsy. So I hit the like button.
We began talking online. He sent me a message, and I replied, and then he mentioned he wanted to chat on the phone; fine, no problem. Here I am, still the naïve girl from New Jersey, thinking that everyone has their sanity intact, which was not the case for Psycho.
We spoke on the phone for a while, and then I took a look on his profile. Okcupid has a little form that they make you fill out, asking among other things, if you want children or have any. He had put down that did want children and did not have any. They also have a feature where you can write about yourself. In this section he ALSO wrote that he wanted children. In my conversation with him, he mentioned it as well. At this point, I decided I didn’t want to bother, since it is a bit over eager to mention that not once or twice but several times in the first conversation with me. In my conversation with him, he told me he found my personal profile on Facebook. This scared me, for the reason that my name being Diana Rivera, he would have had to do a few things to find me among the thousand other Diana Riveras on Facebook: first he had to go to my Instagram (where he already followed me), then to my blog, then to my Facebook like page, then finally hunt around there for a link to my personal profile. This sort of freaked me out; reason being, that there was no need to look me up. We literally had only spoken for a few days at best, and I had never met him before. Why was he looking me up, and why tell me? Listen, I have close to two thousand friends on Facebook. The chances of us having mutual friends are pretty grand. It struck me as a bit obsessive, and he was really coming on too strong.
So I decided to take down my okcupid page for a bit. I blocked him from my personal profile on Facebook, and from Instagram. He called me and left a voicemail that I did not listen to, and deleted right away. He sent me three text messages asking for an explanation, asking me what I was feeling and let’s talk about it, and all this. Again, keep in mind that we had only conversed for a few days, and had never met before.
I ignored it. The next day, he sent me a message on my Facebook like page. This time, his message was 5 paragraphs long. He told me how great of a person he was, and how he wanted an explanation, and that I shut him out, and expected an explanation from me. He was speaking to me, as if I had been out with him, as if I was a girlfriend of his that owed him something. I don’t owe shit to anyone but my daughters. To you, I do not owe a goddamned thing. Finally I banned him from my like page.
Then, I sent him a text telling him to please not make any further attempts to contact me or I would call the police. He replied twice to me saying how hurtful I was being, telling me he couldn’t believe it, after he even explained himself to me. And this is why I don’t give out my phone number right away and I why I am now very cautious about whom I do meet or even reply to online.
I don’t know what was going on in his head, or why he quickly became this way. I can only imagine that he created a fantasy relationship in his head about me, thinking I was his girl, and he was going to have kids with me, and we were just great together. He said in a message to me that we had a kinship. We had no such thing. I never felt anything toward him, not even physical attraction. I mostly thought (initially) that he was creative, and thought that (as sometimes does with me, as it did with El Che) that attraction could come when I met him. Photos don’t always do it; sometimes you need to see the person in real life to decide if there is attraction.
He came on too strong.
Harassment is what this man did to me. Harassment is a horrible thing for a woman to endure. It is an invasion. This man basically invaded my sense of safety and privacy. He violated the sense of security that I had. It is to me, a form of raping a woman. You strip her. You violate her feelings of having a good safe and happy home. You violate her thoughts, her phone, and even her Facebook, to where she feels almost paranoid and then goes to extreme measures to make sure no one else violates her this way again.
If a woman says no, she means no. If a woman turns you down, don’t stalk her. Don’t try to keep tabs on her in some lame attempt to think you know about her life. Just move on.
Here’s my latest offerings:
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